Cheese pasty = 432kcal
2 x 30g doritos (cool, cheese 150kcal x 2) = 300kcal
2 chocolate biscuits (110kcal x 2) = 220kcal
3 malted milk biscuits (44kcal x 3) = 132kcal
2 quorn chicken fillets = 94kcal
3 tea, 4 sugar (16kcal x 4 = 64kcal), 100ml milk (42kcal) = 106kcal
Apple = 80kcal
1364kcal
Sunday 23 January 2011
Saturday 22 January 2011
22nd January 2011
Got up: 11am
Ate:
2 tea, 2 sugar (16kcal x 2 = 32kcal), 50ml milk (25kcal) = 57kcal
2 slices brown bread (77kcal x 2) = 144kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
4 slices beetroot = /
2 x 30g doritos (cool, cheese) = 300kcal
1 asda chocolate biscuit = 110kcal
Pizza = 950kcal
m&m's = 762kcal
Chocolate = 210kcal
600ml asda coke = 6kcal
3 x shot tia maria (105kcal x 3) = 315
Total: 2854kcal
As it's a saturday I was feeling the need for a bit of a proper night in so pizza, chocolate, alcohol, favourite tv etc etc so that's why calories are up alot and way over 2000kcal. I'm not going to let it bother me though because it was my choice and it wasn't a binge that's got my calories up (and even tonight isn't as much as I used to eat daily!) so I shall start watching my calories again tomorrow. Once in a while is nothing to be ashamed of.
Ate:
2 tea, 2 sugar (16kcal x 2 = 32kcal), 50ml milk (25kcal) = 57kcal
2 slices brown bread (77kcal x 2) = 144kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
4 slices beetroot = /
2 x 30g doritos (cool, cheese) = 300kcal
Pizza = 950kcal
m&m's = 762kcal
Chocolate = 210kcal
600ml asda coke = 6kcal
3 x shot tia maria (105kcal x 3) = 315
Total: 2854kcal
As it's a saturday I was feeling the need for a bit of a proper night in so pizza, chocolate, alcohol, favourite tv etc etc so that's why calories are up alot and way over 2000kcal. I'm not going to let it bother me though because it was my choice and it wasn't a binge that's got my calories up (and even tonight isn't as much as I used to eat daily!) so I shall start watching my calories again tomorrow. Once in a while is nothing to be ashamed of.
Friday 21 January 2011
Fucking Perfect
Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me!
You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same
Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me
The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
Why do I do that..?
Yeah....
Oh, oh pretty, pretty please..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me...
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me!
You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same
Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me
The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
Why do I do that..?
Yeah....
Oh, oh pretty, pretty please..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me...
21st January 2011
Got up: 1pm
Ate:
4 slices brown bread (77kcal x 4) = 308kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
Tsp small chunk branston pickle = 14kca
2 x 30g bag doritos (cheese, cool) = 300kcal
2 x malted milk biscuit (56kcal x 2) = 112kcal
2 x tea, 2 sugar (16kcal x 2 = 32kcal), 50ml semi-skimmed milk (25kcal) = 82kcal
1 medium apple = 80kcal
2 x cheese roll (194kcal x 2) = 388kcal
Mixed veg (coliflower, brocolli, carrots) = 50kcal
1 asda chocolate biscuit = 110kcal
Total: 1490kcal
Ate:
4 slices brown bread (77kcal x 4) = 308kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
Tsp small chunk branston pickle = 14kca
2 x 30g bag doritos (cheese, cool) = 300kcal
2 x malted milk biscuit (56kcal x 2) = 112kcal
1 medium apple = 80kcal
2 x cheese roll (194kcal x 2) = 388kcal
Mixed veg (coliflower, brocolli, carrots) = 50kcal
1 asda chocolate biscuit = 110kcal
Total: 1490kcal
Thursday 20 January 2011
20th January 2011
Got up: 12.00pm
Ate:
2 slices brown bread (77kcal x 2) = 154kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
4 slices beetroot = /
1 medium apple = 80kcal
2 tea, 2 sugar (16kcal x 2), 50ml milk (25kcal) = 57kcal
1 hot chocolate 250ml = 160kcal
1 fox's cookie = 115kcal
2 x rich tea biscuit= 72kcal
1 malted milk biscuit = 56kcal
1 ferrero rocher = 69kcal
Total = 809kcal plus:
Tea - Slimming world
Home made, low fat, Chicken Kiev
Potatoes (boiled then oven baked)
Peas, carrots and brocolli
I have no idea on the calories of my tea but the Kievs were homemade and the filling was low fat and the potatoes were boiled and then put in the oven with a few sprays of 1 calorie cooking oil.
Ate:2 slices brown bread (77kcal x 2) = 154kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
4 slices beetroot = /
1 medium apple = 80kcal
2 tea, 2 sugar (16kcal x 2), 50ml milk (25kcal) = 57kcal
1 hot chocolate 250ml = 160kcal
1 fox's cookie = 115kcal
2 x rich tea biscuit= 72kcal
1 malted milk biscuit = 56kcal
1 ferrero rocher = 69kcal
Total = 809kcal plus:
Tea - Slimming world
Home made, low fat, Chicken Kiev
Potatoes (boiled then oven baked)
Peas, carrots and brocolli
I have no idea on the calories of my tea but the Kievs were homemade and the filling was low fat and the potatoes were boiled and then put in the oven with a few sprays of 1 calorie cooking oil.
Wednesday 19 January 2011
19th January 2011
Got up: 12.30pm (woopsie!)
Ate:
2 slices white bread (84kcal x 2) = 169kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
3 beetroot slices = /
2 x 30g Doritos (cool 150kcal, cheese 150kcal) = 300kcal
3 x tea, 4 sugar, milk (16kcal x 4 = 64, 155kcal) = 219kcal
4 x gummy sweet (17kcal x 4) = 69kcal
4 x ferrero rocher (69 x 4) = 276kcal
1 mushroom tagliatelle = 428 kcal
2 x quorn fillets = 94 kcal
1 asda chocolate biscuit = 110kcal
1 glass vimto cordial = /
1 shot tia maria straight = 105kcal
Total = 1816 kcal approx
Ok, so, I was going good until tea time and I just got a big craving for chocolate so had some ferrero rocher and a chocolate biscuit, and I had cheesy doritos which I didn't need. But, on the positive side I didn't go and binge like I usually would at that point and I've now got Happy Bunny on my knee to stop myself going and purging it. Always look on the positive side. I'm disappointed I ate crisps and chocolate I didn't need but it could have been alot worse!
I look really rubbish now but I managed Monday and Tuesday doing really well so I'll just concentrate on that!
Ate:
2 slices white bread (84kcal x 2) = 169kcal
1 cheese slice = 46kcal
3 beetroot slices = /
2 x 30g Doritos (cool 150kcal, cheese 150kcal) = 300kcal
4 x gummy sweet (17kcal x 4) = 69kcal
4 x ferrero rocher (69 x 4) = 276kcal
1 mushroom tagliatelle = 428 kcal
2 x quorn fillets = 94 kcal
1 asda chocolate biscuit = 110kcal
1 glass vimto cordial = /
1 shot tia maria straight = 105kcal
Total = 1816 kcal approx
Ok, so, I was going good until tea time and I just got a big craving for chocolate so had some ferrero rocher and a chocolate biscuit, and I had cheesy doritos which I didn't need. But, on the positive side I didn't go and binge like I usually would at that point and I've now got Happy Bunny on my knee to stop myself going and purging it. Always look on the positive side. I'm disappointed I ate crisps and chocolate I didn't need but it could have been alot worse!
I look really rubbish now but I managed Monday and Tuesday doing really well so I'll just concentrate on that!
What I'll use this blog for
I doubt many, if any people will read this blog, and I don't know if those who do will care at all, but I'll be using this blog for myself, not others, to note anything happy, positive and in the way of good progress. I'll probably keep note of things I eat and do (exercise wise) aswell. My diet may not look particularly low calorie or healthy but I am desperately trying to get out my starving/binging/purging habits, and just to be able to eat something and it not turn into a binge or purge is a big step for me, and cutting out everything I "shouldn't" eat does not work for me, it ends up as me starving, so I'm very slowly easing myself out of them. If I can have one packet of crisps, or one biscuit, without it turning into several, that is a big achievement.
Happy Bunny's list
Happy Bunny has a list of things that she must frequently remind herself of;
Happy Bunny:
Happy Bunny:
- Smiles when she is sad
- Forgives herself!
- Makes mistakes and learns from them rather than regretting the decisions
- Forgives others
- Loves herself for who she is!
- Laughs. Alot!
- Has bad days and good days, but even if she has a bad day she moves on from it and starts a fresh day
- She tries harder to be Happy than she did at evil or sad
- She always remembers how lucky she is to have the things and people in her life that she does and the lovely, kind things they do for her and give her
- She adds to the list as soon as she thinks of something she should often be doing!
Happy Bunny's story
When I first came up with Happy Bunny I drew the picture that is on top of this blog, but on paper and coloured in crayon; the original Happy Bunny is pinned on my bed wall so it is the first thing I see when I wake up. I transfered her to PC form for the purpose of this blog.
Happy Bunny's story goes like this (corrections and all):
This is Happy Bunny...
Happy Bunny kicked evil bunnies ass and took sad bunny to the happy land where she is now also happy. Happy Bunny smilesmost all of the time because she knows that it makes her feel good and makes other bunnies smile. Even when she feels a bit sad she see's all of the good things she has in Happy Bunny land... and she just SMILES =]
Happy Bunny's story goes like this (corrections and all):
This is Happy Bunny...
Happy Bunny kicked evil bunnies ass and took sad bunny to the happy land where she is now also happy. Happy Bunny smiles
My Happy Bunny
I came up with "Happy Bunny" as something to remind myself to be happy in times of trouble. If you have seen my other blog "Caverns of a needing heart" (http://www.cavernsofaneedingheart.blogspot.com/) you will know that I suffer from depression and some manic episodes, eating disorders and self harm. I honestly want to try and be happy and beat my demons and if Happy Bunny may be slightly insane, atleast I can use her to try and help myself.
I was randomly drawing and I drew "fat, lonely, evil bunny" who was fat, had stolen all of the food and had a knife in her hand. I also drew "sad bunny" who had no food, was starved and very sad. I decided I didn't want to be either of those anymore so I ripped them up and drew Happy Bunny instead.
Happy Bunny was born on 16th January 2011 and each time since then I have felt myself about to slip into my old ways, or I have felt scared that I was going to binge or throw up or self harm, I have looked at Happy Bunny and used her to distract myself. I dug out an old cuddly rabbit toy I knew I had and if I am feeling weak I carry her around with me, to the bathroom, to the kitchen, to keep myself in check. I know I'll probably slip up and sometimes Happy Bunny may not be enough to stop me, but she will help me recover.
I suppose Happy Bunny is what I WANT to be,
although human form not bunny form!
I was randomly drawing and I drew "fat, lonely, evil bunny" who was fat, had stolen all of the food and had a knife in her hand. I also drew "sad bunny" who had no food, was starved and very sad. I decided I didn't want to be either of those anymore so I ripped them up and drew Happy Bunny instead.
Happy Bunny was born on 16th January 2011 and each time since then I have felt myself about to slip into my old ways, or I have felt scared that I was going to binge or throw up or self harm, I have looked at Happy Bunny and used her to distract myself. I dug out an old cuddly rabbit toy I knew I had and if I am feeling weak I carry her around with me, to the bathroom, to the kitchen, to keep myself in check. I know I'll probably slip up and sometimes Happy Bunny may not be enough to stop me, but she will help me recover.
I suppose Happy Bunny is what I WANT to be,
although human form not bunny form!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
